Parent Central
It’s important to reduce some of the stress that families go through at the beginning of the school year, as activities and school responsibilities begin again. With multiple children, come multiple schedules of sports and other activities that require masterful juggling acts. And too often it is mothers who become what I call “PARENT CENTRAL”. From play dates to car pools, everything that happens to every child in the family goes through this parent. It is an important role, but it can be very stressful on that parent if they take on everything themselves. Raising responsible and independent children means that kids need to take more responsibility for their school and extra curricular lives. So here are some tips to make this happen.
Have a series of family meetings.
1) The schedule meeting: Reduce stress by being prepared and organized, and a family meeting to review schedules is an important first step. Especially if more than one child has a sport or after school activity. Create a large “family calendar” to put all events in place. Have a meeting at the beginning of each semester. This will help head off conflicts and car pool confusion about who is picking up who and when. Put down family events, like weddings or of town family gatherings that are important and require children to be present, or when a parent knows they will be out of town. One family cut out small pictures of family members and taped them on their birthdays, so even the youngest could see when Grandma’s birthday was. Involve the kids in solving schedule conflicts.
2) The finance meeting: almost as important as the schedule meeting, talking about finances, allowances, and chores that should be done during the school year is another way to encourage responsibility. If a family is on a budget, then everyone needs to know how much money can be spent on activity fees, sports equipment, or dance shoes. Allowances should be discussed and parents should make it clear what they will pay for, ie. Clothes for school, fees for sports, tuition for dance class; and what they will not pay for, ie. video games, downloaded music, or trendy fashions. Encourage children to both save part of their allowance for the future and to consider donating part of their allowance to a charity of their choice.
3) The responsibility meeting: This is the meeting where you place all the issues on the table. Let your kids clearly know what you expect of them during the school year. Discuss what household chores are required of each child. Make sure they know that they are responsible for completing homework and assignments, and remembering project dates. If a child works after school, it should be clear that the job should not interfere with school work. Discuss religious responsibilities and commitments, especially for bar and bat mitzvahs and confirmations. Go over house rules when you are not home after school. For middle school and high school kids discuss your rules about smoking, drinking and drugs. This is a good time to let your children know how you feel and what consequences will occur if they break the rules. (Although discussions about sexuality and sexual activity are equally important, these are best discussed one on one and in private.)
These meetings take time and effort, but the results will be an organized family, more responsible kids, and hopefully less stress on Parent Central, otherwise known as MOM, who will be monitoring everyone’s role, instead of doing it all herself.
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